


If somebody would ask

by turdus_merula



Category: Years & Years (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 22:30:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5719396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turdus_merula/pseuds/turdus_merula
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would Emre say, if somebody would ask, when did he fell in love with Olly?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If somebody would ask

**Author's Note:**

> This is a translation from Polish of my work titled "Gdyby ktoś zapytał".

If somebody would ask, _when_ I fell in love with him, I’d say, it wasn’t a bolt from the blue and it didn’t have a date. It just grew up inside me.

I knew, he was gay; he didn’t have to say it anyway, I wasn’t blind. I saw that guy he dated before Neil; he was big and hairy and treated Olly like a rag. I didn’t pry into his life, it wasn’t my business at all, we just started a band. But then, Hairy Guy dumped Olly and Neil appeared and subdued his world for some years.

I didn’t pry into his life. Olly was a bandmate. A friend, in front of whom I told my whole life story, being incredibly drunk. He didn’t judge, just pressed his lips to the corner of my mouth.

It started from that, I’d say. Because from that day on, he wouldn’t take his beautiful eyes from me. It smoothly moved to stroking my shoulders, grabbing my hands and burying in my arms.

And if it should, it never bothered me. It never bothered, when he just slid under my quilt in a bunk. It never bothered, because I just covered him up and cuddled close, and he just purred and pressed his nose to my neck.

I know he loved Neil. He fancied him; if I’d be Olly, I’d fancy him too. But I know he wasn’t happy. Neil abused him.

And I didn’t pry into his life not even fucking once.

I know Olly wrote lyrics about me. About his uncertainty of me, of Neil. About that and that he wants me. About that night Neil doesn’t know and he’ll never know. We tried, I swear, we really tried hard to not be together.

It was too strong for both of us. It was one of those worse days, our interview was canceled, Sophie was in a bad mood and Neil and Olly argued. And if I knew, that Sophie and Mike will be good, I couldn’t say the same for Olly and Neil.

Olly was crying; I have never seen him crying like that. I didn’t say a word, I just let him in, took his jacket off, took his shoes off, sat him on the couch and made a tea. When he was calm, he just told me. The TV was showing the weather forecast – oh, look, what a surprise, rain and fog again, - when he told me, Neil called him “a whore”.

I swear, I almost put my jacket on and almost went to kick his motherfucking ass, but Olly grabbed my shirt’s sleeve and asked so nicely to stay with him…

“All right”, I agreed mildly. “I’ll destroy him tomorrow. I will make his life unbearable”, I promised.

It was a middle of November, it was cold and wet outside.

“I will help you”, he unbuttoned several buttons of my shirt with one hand and then slid his fingers under the material.

It was a middle of November and for the love of God, I swear, it was cold and wet and I never wanted to take my clothes off so badly.

“No”, I gasped and Olly stopped halfway.

“What ‘no’?”

“You won’t help me”, I looked at him. “I will do that myself.”

I kissed him. He gave the kiss back ardently, as if his whole life depended on how much affection he’d put in. I took off his oversized t-shirt; Olly was so tiny in my hands. My shirt was unbuttoned already, in a moment it lied on the floor; then my jeans joined, then Olly’s jeans, then our underwear and socks…

Olly made thousands of different noises and even if I couldn’t make them myself, I’d always know, how to draw them out of him.

“Hot”, he whispered.

“It’s November”, I said back, rubbing his dark pink nipple.

“Not now”, his fingers slid in my hair and it gave me a pleasurable shiver through my spine. “It’s August.”

I kissed him. “June?”

“July.”

“September”, I continued stubbornly.

“Bedroom”, he gasped right in my ear. “Emre, bedroom.”

I carried him on my arms to the bedroom and he hid his face in my neck. He hissed, when his body touched the cold, white bedding.

“August”, he spread his trembling thighs. I left him only for a moment, taking condoms and lube (when did I buy it?) from the drawer. When I came back, he already had two fingers inside him, making all his sighs and moans, and watching me through half-closed eyelids.

“Let it be an August”, I agreed, taking his hand away. “You’re not a whore, okay?”

“I know”, he nodded.

“Okay.” I slid my lubed fingers inside him. “You’re magnificent.”

He stretched on the quilt, pushing his hips against my fingers. He moaned heavily, pleasurably. His hands grasped the material tightly, when I added the third finger, then fourth from the second hand. When Olly speaks, but doesn’t sing, he has a low, purring voice. Now, I drew out the whole bloody operatic aria.

“It just happened”, I told to my thoughts. “It just grew up inside me.”

Olly looked at me surprised, but the shock was quickly replaced by a pleasure. I pushed inside as deep as I could.

“Wh-What?” I found out that when Olly is receiving pleasure, he stutters.

“I love you”, I dug my feet in the mattress and – well, there’s no other word – fucked him roughly into the mattress like there’s no tomorrow.

Poor little Olly could only moan, scream, sigh and finally come on his belly and chest. And I could just follow him, because it would be inelegant of me, if I’d leave him alone.

“Emre”, Olly opened his eyes wide, when he calmed down. “Emre”, his hands grabbed my face and he kissed me fiercely. “Emre.”

“Yeah, that’s my name”, I said back. “It’s okay”, I caressed his hair. “It’s gonna be okay.”

If somebody would ever ask, when I fell in love with him, I’d probably say never. I just loved him, without unnecessary idealization. I loved him the way he was.

“Kick his ass from me too”, he said, wiping his belly with handkerchief. “And tell him, he was awful in bed.”

I snorted. “Fine”, I promised. “Hopefully, there’d not be any other guy after me, because I’d got my ass kicked too. And I’d be awful in bed too.”

Olly laughed softly. “I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think there’d be another guy?” I asked with hope. “Or I’d got my ass kicked or I’m awful in bed?”

“All at once”, he moved up and kissed my lips. “Because firstly – you’d never treat me like any other guy, secondly, you won’t get your ass kicked and thirdly”, he stopped to kiss me again and moan quietly. “Thirdly, you are exquisite in bed.”

I smiled. “Lucky you. Are you hungry?”

“No, but if you’re going to make your gorgeous pancakes with this tasty cream cheese, make a few more.”

If somebody would still ask, when I fell in love with him, I’d say right now, when he asked for few more pancakes after intense sex.

“Fine.”

“I apologize”, he said suddenly and his face changed. “That I haven’t notice you earlier. That you’re… With me _despite_ , not _for_ something. And I apologize for giving you hope, when there’s was no reason to give it.”

I lowered my head, suddenly couldn’t bear his eyes.

“Still no reason to give it?” I asked without giving it any thought.

He raised my head and leaned his forehead on mine, caressing my cheeks with thumbs.

“No reason”, he said. “No reason, because how can you speak about giving a hope for someone, with whom in relationship you already are?”

“So there won’t be any other Neil in your life?”

“ _Now I’ve got you in my space._

_I won’t let go of you._

_Got you shackled in my embrace._

_I’m latching onto you_ ”, he sang quietly.

“ _I’m so encaptured, got me wrapped up in your touch._

_Feel so enamored, hold me tight within your clutch._

_How do you do it, you got me losing every breath._

_Why did you kiss me, to make my heart beat out my chest_ ”, I sang with him.

“Didn’t know you listen to Sam Smith”, he smiled widely.

“You don’t know a lot of things ‘bout me”, I kissed his nose.

He chuckled. “Like what?”

“Like, if you move in here, yes, I think about you and your whole wardrobe and your cat”, I added seeing his shocked face, “you have a chance to see it on your own.”

Olly moved back and smiled funnily. “I saw you right after waking up, sometimes I woke up beside you. I know, that you like your coffee with milk, no sugar, but it’s more like coffee flavored milk. Sometimes it’s hard to wake you up, sometimes you don’t brush your teeth before falling asleep. You love lemons. You pilfer my t-shirts and Mikey’s shirts.”

“Okay, all right”, I interrupted. “Which hand I use to masturbate? What music I listen to, when no one’s watching? How much sugar I add to my tea? What my ex-girlfriend taught me?”

He nodded, biting his lip. “You don’t know those things about me too”, he snapped.

I leaned my hands on his knees. “Yeah, but I’d like to know. Very much.”

“You’d like me to move in here?”

I know I’m repeating myself, but his shocked face made me fall in love again.

“Yes, you fool”, I answered, lying on his body and kissing him hard. “I love you, okay? Maybe you don’t love me, but give me a chance. You’ll kick me out of your life and band if this won’t work.”

“Emre, you idiot”, he put his legs around my waist, “I love you too. There won’t be any other Neil”, he sighed, “because I’m tired of constant rows and giving me respect to get to my ass. Okay?”

“Okay”, I lied my head on his chest and sighed deeply. “If there would be, I’ll kick his ass. I’ll kill him, then bury him, then dig him out and kick again.”

He laughed loudly and I felt lighter inside.

“Won’t be”, he caressed my hair. “I’ll grab my things from this bastard’s place and move in here. Okay?”

“Okay”, I cuddled him close.

I loved him in motley shirts, with a shock of hair, in little too big shoes. That was the way he was. I fell in love when I understood that I love him.

Maybe it isn’t too easy now, because Neil is still contacting Olly and Olly talk to Neil, I know, that he isn’t coming back to him. They can argue, they make it up, but Olly left his toothbrush at my place and I’m constantly tripping over his cat. They can meet and argue about things they bought together, but mine is the hickey on his neck and it’s me who Olly tries to get dirty from toothpaste, when we get ready to bed.

“Aren’t ya jealous?” Asks Mikey, chewing on his toast. Olly left some time before, to get back his cat-patterned blanket. “I’d be.”

I sip the coffee. “I’m not”, I answer slowly, with reflection. “I’m angry he cannot get his things back, but jealous? Nah.”

“Why? Don’t tell me you love him, because it’s obvious. And don’t tell me you trust him, because it’s obvious!”

I shrug. “Because he keeps his cat at my place. And it’s me who cleans its bloody litter box. Besides…” I sigh, sipping again. “I’m just feeling it. Olly changed since he lives with me. I think he wants to stay here.”

Mike nods, seems he accepted my answer. My phone starts buzzing.

“Yes, my dearest?” I answer the phone, drinking my coffee.

“Emre, this, this, _individual_ won’t give my things back! Come here and kick his ass! And get back my kitty patterned blanket!”

I smile knowingly towards Mikey. “I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

Mike snorts when I put the shoes on.

“When did you fall in love with him?”

I smile widely. “When he asked for a few pancakes with cream cheese more, Mike.”

“It doesn’t make sense”, he says, standing on the threshold.

“It doesn’t make sense _to you_ ”, I open the door to the car. “I fell in love when I understood, that I love him.”

Mike shakes his head, grinning. “Good luck in kicking his ass.”

“Yeah, thanks”, I get inside the car, to the rescue my prince, not stopping on smiling.

I come back victoriously; the blanket and other things lie on the backseat, I bleed from my nose and Olly is arguing with Neil through the phone. If somebody would ask when did I fell in love with him, I’d say when I took Olly in my arms, right there outside Neil’s flat, then moved him back carefully and broke Neil’s door with some kicks. I fought with Neil, but not for Olly, even if Neil could think about it like that; in each punch I put every day I felt bad, because Olly wasn’t with me. Despair, anger, hatred.

“Quit this fucker”, I say, parking outside our home. “Really, we both are tired from his being in our life.”

Olly watches me and then nods. I get out from the car, taking the things to give him some privacy. Mike is helping me after, wiping my nose and bandaging my damaged hand. Olly gets inside awhile after, standing on the kitchen’s threshold.

“I quitted”, he says. “Okay?”

“Okay”, I nod.

“I’ll go to Sophie tonight”, says Mikey, bandaging me tightly.

Olly and I cannot take our eyes from each other. I know I’m repeating myself, but desperate Olly is something new for me. When Mikey leaves, Olly takes off his jacket, in which he was since getting back from the car. He hangs it on the hanger, takes his shoes off and approaches me. I stand still, leaning on the kitchen counter and my heart is pounding like a bell in a church.

“You tremble”, I notice, because yes, Olly’s shivering like he’s in fever.

He approaches really close and puts his arms around my neck, cuddles close, but it’s inadequate term, because Olly just melts.

“I want you”, he says slowly. “And I want you to want me. Tell me you want me. Do you want me?”

“Who am I to tell you ‘no’, Olly? I want you, of course I want you. You’re magnificent, I want you.”

Olly grabs my undamaged hand and leads me to the bedroom. Today it’s him who guides and it’s me who can’t argue about anything. He undresses me, then himself, then pushes me on the bed. He sits on the top of me awhile later, pressing my shoulders to the mattress.

The tears appear on their own; we cry, but we don’t really know why. Maybe from the pleasure, maybe from the sorrow.

“You’re mine”, he sobs. “And I’m yours.”

“You’re mine”, I echo. “And I’m yours.”

I touch him and Olly explodes and there’s a jerky moan he makes. Olly nestles close to me and I thrust a few times more to come too.

“I love you”, he says with muffled voice.

“I know”, I wipe his tears. “I know.”

It didn’t have any date. It wasn’t a love from the first sight or the bolt from the blue. It just grew up inside; inside _us_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I know there's probably hundreds of mistakes, but it's because I don't use English so often (not my first language) and every grammatical rule and stuff just flew out of my head. I'll be grateful for making me correct the mistakes and tell me if it was readable. Thanks (please be gentle for me) and please enjoy!


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